January 17

 Well the date has been set for my OHS (Open Heart Surgery).  Looks like I will be going in on Janutary 17th.  It does not escape me what day that is.  Dr. Martin Luther King Day is that day. I have always loved what Dr. King believed in, fought for of , and lived.  Perhaps it is a good sign my surgery is on this day.  Perhaps it is just coincidence.  Either way, I have a calmer heart knowing it is on this date of all dates.

It seems more real now.  This is actually happening.  I have a little over 2 months to prepare.  I’m excited that I’ll have this surgery and feel better.  I’m so tired of feeling under the weather all the time and feeling exhausted all the time.  I’m especially tired of feeling my heart get worse.

There’s also the immense fear that always lingers with me.  Sometimes it tries to consume me at times.  As I write this, I am sitting in my favorite hotel in the Cities (Minneapolis).  I just had to get away.  Thankfully my hubby Grif is so understanding.  He knows when I get like this I just need to get away alone for a bit.

Many probably think I am running away from my problems but it actually is a chance for me to sit by myself with zero life chaos and reflect.  I take the time to focus on that fear, alone and work through it or at least become friends with it.  Yes, it is possible to befriend your fear.

So January 17th is the day and now the planning begins.  

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