Holy Shit! This is really happening!

Yes, of course it is happening.  I will admit I have been mentally avoiding the truth.  It’s overwhelming…so very overwhelming.

All the “simple” things that need to be taken care of such as paying bills in advance, checking with insurance company to make sure they will cover the surgery and follow up visits and testing.  Finding places for my beloved dogs while we’re gone.  Who will take care of the pigs?  What if I’m in the hospital for weeks due to complications.

My girl Blu has a constant distressed look on her face.  She is almost suffocating in needing to be on me and smashed up against me all the time.

I’m attempting to practice grounding myself and meditating but it isn’t going very well.  

Some days I can sleep a lot during the day and still sleep all night.  Then there are days that I sleep during the day and stay up all night with anxiety and stress as my companions…along with Blu.

The stress alone of having to ask and accept help from others is overwhelming.  I know it will be a must when I get home but I’m insanely independent.  It is hard.

Enough rambling…


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