I don’t want to do this!

 Having a tough moment.  I don’t want to do this.  How long can I live with the damaged heart I have?  I watched a YouTube video about a man’s journey from heart surgery to going home.  Watching it brought all the memories flooding back along with all the physical feelings.  Each and every feeling of every pic line, wire and tube being pulled out through my skin.  Every cough and the pain from coughing and breathing.

I REALLY don’t want to do this.  I’m scared.  What if I don’t ever get off the ventilator?  What if it damages my vocal cords going in or coming out and I sound like a husky man as a woman for the rest of my life?  What if my sternum doesn’t heal right or starts to heal but cracks open again?

What if I have a stroke during surgery and I never get back to normal?  I have had a stroke as an infant during surgery or so they think.

What if… What if… What if…

I don’t want to do this!

Comments

  1. marshaNovember 30, 2021 at 6:35 PM

    Put your trust in Jesus..He will be there with you along with us all...you will get through this...you got this girl!!!

    ReplyDelete

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