Heart Journey

 The last couple of days have been harder for me than directly after surgery. When you get discharged from major surgery, two groups have to work together and AGREE that it’s time for release.  This is a hard enough task for “regular adults”.  Now imagine two groups with extreme intelligence, the best in their fields and many let’s be honest are very arrogant.  Important for me to add here.  I have a delightfully kind cousin who is a doctor who I don’t think has a single arrogant bone in his body…same goes for his brother who is a Pharmacist.  So not ALL doctors are like that. Saturday rolls around.  I look good, feel good under the circumstances, walking like a speed demon 5-6 times a day, and ready to go.  Cardiologist team says yup.  Surgeons say nope.   Sunday same as Saturday but this time the night before I had a minor episode of AFib.  Surgeons gave thumbs up.  Cardiologists gave thumbs down. I have great respect for all...

 The absolute best part of staying in the hospital is the heated blankets.  Nothing beats them!  I always have a desire to go tent camping in the Fall when I’m covered with a warmed blanket.  The worst by far is something new this trip.  Whenever there is a Code Blue, an intercom comes alive telling what floor, room and that it’s a Code blue.  I have heard it a handful of times.  Heartbreaking each time. One of my favorite nurses, Isabel shared that it happens because many doctors and surgeons go between specialities and floors.  So the mass intercom message that goes to every floor helps them get to the Code Blue as fast as possible.  There was one today over in the cardiac ICU I was in.  It is sad regardless of who it is but I did ask my surgeons PA if it was the “Boy Next door “ from a previous blog post.  It was not him. Isabel also shared that every time it goes off, she and fellow nurses stop what they are doing, bow their hea...

 Being on a ward with a mixture of kids and adults(Mayo is redoing some floors) is quite interesting.  It’s a great study in human behavior. There is a new cardiac patient. We’ll call her Sophie. She is crabby, makes a lot of childish noises in her room.  Pushes her call button constantly…okay not constantly but pretty close.  The nurses can never make this little lady happy.  She is just lonely so the nurses stay as long as they can before attending other people. She is unkind to them.  They dread going into this room. Down the hall there is laughter coming from a room.  He sounds so childlike but chats with a lady in the hall about being from the South.  We’ll call him George.  He walks by occasionally in very snazzy pj’s.  Sometimes, he seems to be in a lot of pain but he always smiles and is kind to the nurses and waves to the other ‘prisoners’. Kindness always matters.  It’s hard during difficult times…times of Wintering. ...

 Well I should be happy I made it this far before the tears started.  Oh I cried when I said goodbye to my loved ones. Tonight it was so much worse and lasted so much longer.  Some of it was over stuff I have no control of.  Across a small cement courtyard sits the NICU Cardiac ward.  I watch the nurses never leave the room.  They work on their computer for long hours in the dark while tiny little heart warriors fight to live one more day. The parent/parents sit by and wait.  Tonight I watched a mom holding baby through the glass.  I’ve also seen mom holding baby in rocker so they must have designated skin to skin care time. I cry for the little boy I met who got a heart transplant.  He will have to work hard and be so cautious and vigilant just to keep his body from rejecting this unknown organ.  I cry also because science and God are so extraordinary that this young man has another chance at life. I cry so much for the nurses who work ...

Wow what a ride that was!  Wish I could say I remembered it.  Wish I could tell all my curious friends that I went into the light and passed over for a quick peek....and remembered what I saw. This was not to be the case though.  I do feel in my 6 surgeries and other procedures that I probably have passed over for a quick peek.  How would I know this?  When I think of it, a very gentle but firm peace settles in me and I see beauty, so much beauty.    Don’t remember this time though.  Here for your enjoyment is what I do remember. They wanted to give me some meds to relax before I got to OR.  It worked pretty darn fast.  I remember telling Grif I loved him and that if I die to please find love again.  Then I was out! Next thing I remember I was prepped completely and the anesthesiologists was talking to me.  She had the most beautiful accent (Russian).  So I proceeded to tell the whole room of surgeons and other doctors abo...

I was in the Cardiac ICU.  In the room next to me there was blond haired young prince of about 12 years old.  The day before my surgery, he had a heart transplant.  This young man had every right to scream during the pain, fight with his parents and hospital staff because of boredom.  This boy who I learned had multiple heart surgeries prior, was quiet, calm, loved to laugh.  People were constantly going into his room.  Can you imagine being on the cusp of puberty and everyone is up in your business and inspecting your chest constantly?  This young man just rolled with it.  I could tell immediately that he was an old soul.  Oh he has bad days I’m sure but already at age 12 he knew how priceless life is and in his case another had to die to give him another chance. It also delighted me when he walked by my room because he didn’t need to show how good he was doing by how far he could walk.  When the nurses told him “Stop when you feel you ...

 I have a feeling it’s going to be a long night.  I have to be up at 4:30 so I’m thinking it’s not even worth going to bed.  I’ll have all day tomorrow to sleep.🤣 I’m doing surprisingly well this time around.  Usually I’ve lost it by this point.  I think part of it is because at 45 years old, I don’t have young kids to worry about.  I’ve also lived a really great life.  Deep down I really feel all will go great tomorrow.  If it doesn’t and I die, it’s still a win.  Well for me, but not for my friends and family. Being someone who loves the supernatural and very interested in “the other side”, I do hope I get a peak…but come back.  Ultimately, I just hope the surgery goes great and the pain is not too unbearable.   I think I’m most worried about that.  I don’t really remember just how painful but I do remember it being pretty intense.   This will probably be my last entry at least for a couple days.  Thank you all who...