Letting go of low self worth and ego

 I really struggled this last week.  So very upsetting because it was my birthday week.  I could feel the black cloud of depression on the horizon.  I had to figure out why and quick before it swallowed me.  Now was definitely not the time to be in a depressive funk.  I have too much to do.

Then it hit me as if my spirit guides were whispering in my ear.  This whole vaccine dilemma!  Yes I worry about my health being around non vaccinated people but there was something deeper, more personal.

I am unloved.  If my loved ones loved me, they would get vaccinated.  I don't matter.  I'm not important enough to move past the conspiracy theories and fear and get vaccinated.  My self worth plummeted.  My ego kicked in.  It was about me.

I'm a firm believer that when there is something you need to learn, the Universe will send a teacher.  There was something I needed to learn from this.  My teacher showed up.  I love podcasts.  I happened to be driving to Sioux Falls yesterday and picked a shorter podcast just at random.  It was about ego and letting go of the ego.  

It is exactly what I needed.  It is exactly what I needed to hear.

I am loved.  Those that choose not to get vaccinated are dealing with their own ego and their own issues.  It has nothing to do with me.  I am putting too much into their desire to not get vaccinated.  My own ego was puffing up and making something that has nothing to do with me, about me.

One of the things that helped me was the realization that I have a very dear friend that I love like a sister.  She is choosing to not get vaccinated because her body has been through a lot physically and continues to struggle with some pretty heavy inflammation issues.  She does not do well with vaccines.  The affect on her body is not worth the risk.  Never once did I think that she didn't love me or that if she loved me more, she would get vaccinated.  It never even entered my thoughts.

I realized I needed to give the same respect to all those in my life that choose not to get vaccinated.  It isn't about me.  I need to let go of the low self worth and the ego.

I also realized that the surgery is going to happen when it happens.  If it is meant to happen on January 17th, it will regardless if I come into contact with Covid or not.  If I end up getting Covid and the surgery has to be postponed, than that is what is meant to be.  If I die because of complications during surgery because of Covid or any other reason than that is what is meant to happen.  

The podcast:  Life, Death and the Space Between.  Number 212 "Letting Go of Nothing with Peter Russel"


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