Living to the fullest but not too much

 It’s very strange knowing in a little over two months that open heart surgery and possibly death will be happening.  It plays with your mind and your feelings and your fears.  This is horrible especially for someone like me who tends to swing from one extreme to the next like a wild pendulum.  I know I should get my butt in gear, put my big girl panties on and get super healthy.  Surely doing absolutely everything I possibly can health wise will make the chances of survival greater and the recovery better.  I know this, but….

Then I think wait a minute!  What if I have two months to live.  Shouldn’t I enjoy life to the fullest.  Eat what I want, do what I want, be crazy and irresponsible.

Yes I know there is a happy medium.  See sentence above…I am not one to know any happy medium.  Perhaps that is one of the lessons I am to learn on this journey to getting new engine parts.

I will always drink White Chocolate Mochas but perhaps this would be a good time to only get them from places I like how they make them instead of just getting that drink out of habit.

I know I should exercise even though I am absolutely TERRIFIED my defibrillator will shock me again.  That was one of the worst experiences I have ever had.  But…perhaps I should join the Midco Swimming place and swim.  Perhaps I should walk laps around the farm.

I am well aware that there are big no no’s even if I want to live wild and free for two months like excessive drinking and smoking cigarettes again.  Man, I miss a good cigarette.  Then again, I definitely don’t miss smelling like cigarettes so there’s that I guess.  I also don’t miss the huge hangover of a fun night out either.  Sucks getting old.

At least I’m not letting the pendulum of crazy swing the other way either.  When I first learned I would need yet another open heart surgery, my mind did immediately jump to these crazy ideas.

1.  I was going to dust off my juicer and for the next two months only juice.  I wonder if you can juice candy bars? 🤔

2.  Get crazy with exercise even if my defibrillator shocked me.  Yes, I did picture a leotard, leg warmers and Gene Simmons cheering me on.  What?  I have a very healthy imagination.

So I guess learning to live but not overdue it is probably key to the next two months being productive and safe.

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