Hard day

 Today is a hard day.  I’m glad it’s time for bed.  I was sad and at times filled with anger.  I’m sad and angry that my parents have to go on this journey again.  I’m angry and saddened that my parents might have to bury another child.  I’m angry and sad that the horrible thought has to be part of their lives.

I’m sad that Grif has to have the possibility of losing his wife.

I possibly won’t see my only daughter marry.  The possibility of not going with her to pick out a wedding dress and see her married crushes me.  

The thought of not watching granddaughter Maria and future grandchildren grow up makes me want to curl up in a ball and wail.

Will my children feel abandoned by their mom?  They already deal with the affects of being ‘abandoned’ by their birth parents.  I put quotes because I don’t believe any of the birth parents abandon their children.  They simply know they need to give their children a better life.  Will my children feel abandoned by me?

Will it cause them to never have a relationship with God feeling He took their mom from them?

Will Grif be open to finding love again?  If yes, will his new love let Grif honor me?  Will she respect I was his first love?

Will this destroy my parents?  Will they be okay?  Will they still talk to me even though I’m there only in spirit?  This goes for all my loved ones and friends.

I know I need to take a deep breath and concentrate on positivity.  Deep breath!

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