Why is this time different?

 I was asked a few times by family why this time feels different.  Why is there more anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed?

I pondered this and realized on my life journey going through different stages of life I have dealt with OHS surgery very differently each time.

My first surgery was when I was a baby so was probably the most simple, although the surgery definitely was not.  All I cared about was eating and being with my mom and dad…or so I’m assuming.

My second surgery was when I was 10 and all I cared about was getting it done so I could join my friends again…and being excited I got out of school for months.  Life was so simple.

When I was 19 I had my third OHS.  Being on the cusp of adulthood, I was “invincible” and really didn’t even contemplate dying.

My forth OHS was the hardest due to having young kids.  My oldest babe was only in 6th grade.  My whole journey around preparing for surgery was all about them.  Were they comfortable?  Did I explain things properly to help them deal with what mom was going through?  It was also the first surgery as a married woman.  Grif’s family has always been extremely blessed in the health department.  This was a huge curve ball.  Was Grif okay?  Did I explain things properly to him?  Was this going to send him running to the hills?  Thankfully it did not…although when they pulled the pick line out of my neck, he did almost head for the floor head first.  Imagine a very long tapeworm being pulled from your loved ones neck…scary.

So now I am here at my 5th OHS.  My kids are grown.  I am 45 years old.  I have been told this will be my last OHS.  This is not because it’s going to fix it for good but because they won’t be able to do another due to how many I’ve had.  OHS takes a major toll on the body and organs besides the heart.

It is different this time around because I have more time to think and to worry.  I don’t have children to rush to school and play referee with while preparing.  Death isn’t going to happen right now but it is a bigger possibility from the last at least 2 surgeries.

It will go grand though.  Healing may take longer and may be more painful but I’ll get through it as I always have.

Comments

  1. Mannes FloralDecember 23, 2021 at 8:35 AM

    Summer, sending you our love, having followed your story for a long long time. We are praying for you, and a continuation of the miracle you are. Through this all you have become a hope & a blessing wrapped in God's love & grace. May your surgery go well, and hope you have many many more Merry Christmases. You were an inspiration for us during Ken's open-heart surgery. You are blessed to be a blessings. <3 Mary Mannes

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