Welcome!

Welcome to my blog.  This blog is for me to write about my upcoming 5th open heart surgery in January.  Please be prepared, sometimes this blog will be raw and will talk about uncomfortable things like death.  Hopefully many times it will be funny and informative.
Enjoy!😊


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A crack in the night

 As I shifted in my sleep, I heard a quiet but very distinct crack.  Oh Lordy!  My sternum cracked.  What if it opens up?  What if I start bleeding internally?  If I just lay very still everything will be okay. This happened before back in 1986 after my first valve surgery.  I heard and felt a crack.  I didn’t move for hours.  Finally my grandma Wava had enough.  She asked me what was wrong and why I refused to move.  I admitted my fear and her no nonsense response was something along the lines of if my sternum cracked open I would be bleeding and would be in a lot of pain and probably dead. Loved her no nonsense answers. So last night I lay really still.  At about the same time I had decided to risk moving and to quit being a baby, Oscar the basset stretched and his leg cracked.  Ah!  It wasn’t me.  Thank goodness for that!
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2 weeks later…

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 Has it really been two weeks since I was cracked open?  Time flies whether fun is being had or not. This journey after is not what I expected.  I expected loads of physical pain.  I did not expect the intense emotional pain.  Sadness is my constant friend whether I like it or not.  Perhaps that’s too harsh.  Sometimes I am very happy and quite joy filled that the surgery is done and I don’t have much physical pain. Many times though sadness hits me like a giant angry wave.  I should feel blessed and happy…I lived.  Sometimes I find myself sad…I lived.  I know this is normal.  I know episodes of intense sadness are so very common after surgery.  The body has taken a beating.  You have to rely on others to do basic stuff like driving and reaching above your head.  This is especially frustrating when you are so stubborn and independent! The intensity is enough to bring you to your knees.  The tears and chest shakin...
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2 weeks ago

 It’s so hard to believe that two weeks ago I was in Rochester moving through tests to prepare for surgery. It’s one of those weird time things.  Sometimes it feels like yesterday I was saying goodbye to my friends and headed East.  Today, it feels like months have passed.  Time is a strange thing.  But I’ll take all the time I get with a grateful heart.
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