Welcome!

Welcome to my blog.  This blog is for me to write about my upcoming 5th open heart surgery in January.  Please be prepared, sometimes this blog will be raw and will talk about uncomfortable things like death.  Hopefully many times it will be funny and informative.
Enjoy!😊


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Bucket Lists

 I love bucket lists!  I highly recommend everyone doing them.  Keep them and revise them as you get older or if you actually get to cross stuff off because you did them. What no one tells you though is to start doing the items on them long before you actually need a bucket list because then it’s too late.  I am finding that out.  It is both depressing and humbling at the same time.  Somethings I had on my bucket list that I made many years ago are now out of reach due to time and my current health.  Here are a few of my top ones. 1. Swim free style (no cage) with a Great White. 2.  Cage Diving with a Great White…because really what tourist outfit is going to let you do it without a cage for protection. 3.  Visit India 4.  Visit Africa, go on a Safari and see where Nelson Mandela lived and was in prison. 5.  Try mountain climbing. These are only 5 on a long list.  I can do zero of them before surgery in January.  I did bri...
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Purchases in case I die…

  I’ve been busy shopping today.  So much for trying to be a minimalist.  I bought practical things as shared in early post.  I also bought some things that pull at the heart strings a little. I decided to purchase three “Mother” journals for my kids.  A journal that ask important questions to share my life the joy and the struggles.   This way if I do die, my kids have something from me and about me. I also bought a “If I Die” planner.  This is a planner that holds everything from my passwords, my living will, funeral wishes, items I wish to pass on and to whom.   Yes, it is depressing and sad.  No one wants to buy a planner like that but every adult should.  I think there would be nothing worse than dying and leaving everything for your spouse, or other loved ones to figure out while they are grieving.
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When Oxy is out

 My adrenaline and excitement have wore off.  I’m feeling the burn, the itch, the pain.  I knew it was coming. This is the first time around, thanks to the last surgery that Oxy won’t be part of pain management.  Last surgery for almost two weeks after,  I was in a delightful bliss filled fog.  It was heaven!  My pain from my heart was almost nonexistent, I did A LOT of one of my favorite activities…nap.  I LOVED IT!  It also put a lot on Grif and family. There was no way I could care for our small children or our dogs.  Was I becoming addicted?  Was I falling down a rabbit hole?  No.  I did learn a priceless thing about myself however.  That feeling of bliss, calm, euphoria was captivating.  It would be so easy to want that all the time.  Especially knowing I struggle with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, Oxy and things like it very easily could be my new best friend. Regardless of the pain and uncomfortable ...
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